Skip to main content

3 Ways To Improve Your Dialogue

In this post, I'll be talking (or I guess writing) about how you can improve on writing dialogue.



Dialogue makes up a large part of stories. It communicates a lot, too, such as how people feel or interact. Here's a few tips you can use to improve your dialogue.

Here's an example from my work-in-progress, The Ruby of Fire. Loyalty is lying on the floor in her room, and the caretaker of her orphanage is trying to get her to try a little harder to act nicer, and get adopted.

“Get up now or you’ll lose all privileges," the caretaker said. "I want to speak to you.”
“Sure.” Loyalty said. “Like you really want to.”
“I’m trying to be nice,” the caretaker said.
“Yeah, right,” Loyalty said.
“Look, Loyalty. I have to do something about you because no one wants a bad-mannered, hot-headed, lazy dragonet to care for.”
“Have you considered the fact that you’ve starved me and that’s why I have no energy to do anything?”

1. Use action tags.

First of all, it's unclear what the characters are doing while they're speaking. So let's add a little action. Maybe the caretaker is getting impatient with Loyalty. So I'll replace 'the caretaker said' with an action, like this:

“Get up now or you’ll lose all privileges," the caretaker stomped her foot. "I want to speak to you.”

Be careful with using action tags. Too many can distract the reader from diving deep into the story. Action tags are best used in moderation.

Now we'll look at the next line.

2. Use 'said'.

“Sure.” Loyalty said. “Like you really want to.”

 'Said' is a virtually invisible word. I find that when I'm reading dialogue, and the author uses the word 'said', I tend not to notice it and my eyes skim over it. This is good because it keeps the reader within the story and doesn't jerk them into reality (like other dialogue tags sometimes do). So we'll keep this line as it is.

3. Sometimes, tags aren't needed.

Here's the third line.

“I’m trying to be nice,” the caretaker said.

If we take away the dialogue tag, it's still clear who's speaking. I'll remove the dialogue tag to keep the conversation flowing a little more smoothly.

“I’m trying to be nice.”

 That's all for now!

“Look, Loyalty. I have to do something about you because no one wants a bad-mannered, hot-headed, lazy dragonet to care for.”
“Have you considered the fact that you’ve starved me and that’s why I have no energy to do anything?”

For the last three lines, I'll take away the dialogue tag for the first line, use an action tag for the second line, and leave the third line also tagless.

“Yeah, right.”
The caretaker sighed. “Look, Loyalty. I have to do something about you because no one wants a bad-mannered, hot-headed, lazy dragonet to care for.”
“Have you considered the fact that you’ve starved me and that’s why I have no energy to do anything?”

This is what I'll end up with when I put the dialogue back together again:

“Get up now or you’ll lose all privileges," the caretaker stomped her foot. "I want to speak to you.”
“Sure.” Loyalty said. “Like you really want to.”
“I’m trying to be nice.”
“Yeah, right.”
The caretaker sighed. “Look, Loyalty. I have to do something about you because no one wants a bad-mannered, hot-headed, lazy dragonet to care for.”
“Have you considered the fact that you’ve starved me and that’s why I have no energy to do anything?”

Of course, there's still room for improvement, but it reads better than it originally did.

Try to have fun editing,
     Germaine
     Psalm 34:8

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If You're Like Most People...

If you're like most people, you probably don't hate that phrase as much as I do. This is mainly because I overthink things. It's something I do a lot and you will therefore be seeing a lot of it in my contributions to this blog. Actually, come to think of it, overthinking is something pretty much all of us have in common in the Writing Mafia, so you can just expect it all the time from all of us. You're welcome.  Anyway, back to 'If you're like most people...'. This phrase wouldn't bother me if people actually meant it. But they don't. They don't mean 'If you're like most people...', they mean, 'If you're like most people who are like me... ' Because let me tell you something, most people - as in, the majority of the human population of the planet - are living either under the poverty line or hovering dangerously close to it, have minimal education and don't understand this rant or anyone who says that most hate...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ostrich short story

She holds her elegant neck high above the masses which she saunters through. Like a diva at a show she flaunts her plumes, casts a wary eye about for rivals, and turns up her nose at her drab brown and cream comrades.  Behold, an animal of distinction and refinement. Here is the ostrich, queen of the winged kingdom. Around her, antelope bow their heads in shame, cringing at their inferiority. Where she steps the grass seems to wither in embarrassment. Even the sun seems reluctant to disgrace her chestnut and ivory feathers. Stop. Look around. Sour musk lines the brisk breeze. She lowers the foot which was held aloft a moment ago, her previously serene expression now one of incandescent disapproval. The antelope prick up their ears. A glimpse of golden pelt in the grass and an explosion of hooves signifies the beginning of the chase. She runs like a demon, head pointed forward and wings outstretched. Long legs kick up turf, spraying it into the streak of gold fur b...
Post a Comment
Read more

An Author's Guide to Playtime (Where Grace gets very dark)

Here is a guide for all authors about how they can have fun when playing with their toys.  😇 Stage One First of all, you need to make your reader fall in love with your characters. This can be achieved by: The character having an awesome personality. e.g. Halt (Ranger’s Apprentice), Glory (Wings of Fire), Percy (Percy Jackson), Connor (The Land of Stories) Making your character relatable. e.g. Greg Heffley (Diary of a Wimpy Kid), August (Wonder) The character having gone through a lot so the reader can sympathize with them. e.g. Felix Salinger (Once, Then, Now, After), Newt (The Maze Runner), Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games) A plot twist shining a new light on your character, causing the readers to fall for them. e.g. Severus Snape (Harry Potter), Evly (The Land of Stories) Stage Two This is the time when you wound your victim (cough, cough, I, of course, mean the character, not the reader at all...). Mwahahahaha! Now, there are several ways to ...
Post a Comment
Read more